Pizza Pie
By Czolgolz
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I gripped her by her freckled shoulders.  Rose.  Got, she was so gorgeous, lying there in bed with me.  Everything I wanted was in that skinny frame, from her pretty bespectacled face to her perfect toes.  I loved her.  Too bad my wife didn’t see things my way.

Rose snuggled her naked body against mine.  “Let’s just stay her all day in bed.  You and me.”

Reluctantly, I pulled away and got up.  “You know we can’t.  My wife will be home in a few hours.  I think she may suspect.  You need to get out of here.”

Rose glared at me.  “How long are we going to do this?  Sneak around?  Why don’t you leave her?”

I began to get dressed.  “You know it’s not that simple...”

“Spare me.”  Naked, Rose walked into the bathroom.  God, was she beautiful.

Then my guts froze.  Those tires in the driveway.  My wife, Anne, was home from her job at the hospital three hours early!

“Rose!  Shit!  My wife’s home early!  Get your things!  Out the back door.”

Rose peeped out the door.  “Maybe it’s time we ended this now.  Maybe I should introduce myself to Anne.”

That made me furious.  I grabbed her clothes and stuffed them in a bag.  “Hide in the closet, sneak out when you can.”

Annoyed, Rose took the bag.  Then I heard a key turn in the BACK door.

“Shit!”  I grabbed Rose by the hand and yanked her into the kitchen.  Where the hell could I hide her now?

It hit me.  The trash compactor.  It was huge, and Anne had just cleaned it out last night.

“Get in there!” I barked.

“In there?  Is that a dishwasher?”

“Um, yeah.”  I quickly helped Rose into the narrow, stainless steel cube.  “I’ll let you out when the coast is clear.  I’ll get Anne to run to the store or something.”  I slammed the door on her.  Then, thinking of her threat to confront Anne, I threw the latch.  I only had enough time to cram Rose’s bag into the closet before my wife entered.

Anne walked in, still wearing her crumpled nurse’s uniform.  Unlike Rose, she was curvy and blonde.  Very pretty, but I found that after five years of marriage the magic was gone.

“Anne!  I didn’t expect you home so soon.”

“They let me off early.”  Anne looked at me with sadness, then turned to the bathroom.
“Anne, what’s wrong?’

She shook her head.  I had never noticed how sorrowful she looked recently.  “Talk to me, Anne.”

She suddenly turned her eyes full force on me.  “Are you having and affair?”

“Huh?  Why would you think that?”

“You’ve been acting funny.  No sex.  Asking about my schedule.  Are you seeing someone?”

I ran my hand over the compactor latch.  “Don’t be ridiculous!  I love you!”

Anne came over and hugged me.  “I’m sorry.  Of course you do.  Things are rough at work.”  She held me for a long time, then leaned against the counter.  Then she kissed me.  “Hey, I have an idea.  You don’t work until tonight.  Why don’t we go to the bedroom?”

“Um?”

“Or are you tired out for some reason?”  

“No!”

I quickly followed her into the bedroom.  I tried to flip the latch so Rose could escape, but I think I just hit a button.
*
Much later, as Anne slept, I rushed back to the kitchen.  I’d help Rose out, put her on a bus, and then have a panic attack.  But when I reached the compactor, something caught my eye...

There was a red light blinking.  Shit!  That meant a load of trash had just been squished.  I threw open the door...

There was an odd, freckled disk in the machine, about 18 inches in circumference.  Besides the freckles, the only features were the dim outlines of the soles of two human feet.

Gingerly, I removed the circle.  It was soft and floppy, kind of like rubber.  I flipped it over on the counter.  Rose’s freckled face stared up at me in anger.

“I better be wrong about what just happened,” she snarled, her voice barely a whisper.

“Um, sorry.”

“Sorry!  Get me to the hospital!”

“I can’t.  Um, Anne is here...”

“I don’t care!  You just crushed me flat!  Help!”

“Look, maybe tonight...no, I have to work....hey, I could drop you off...’

“Drop me off!  Listen here, you bastard...”

At that moment, I heard Anne stir in the bedroom.  Shit!  I couldn’t let her see what was left of Rose.  I could hide her between some sheets, but she might be discovered.  Then it hit me.  The best hiding place was in plain sight.  I’d disguise her, then later tonight (or tomorrow at the latest), I’d mail her to the hospital.  Then I wouldn’t have to answer any awkward questions.

Rose’s eyes got huge when I opened the can of tomato sauce and smeared it on her body.  I followed with some shredded cheese, and a few pepperonis.  I laid her on a platter and slipped her in the fridge.  She’d keep for now.

Anne and I ended up chatting most of the day, and to tell you the truth, I rather enjoyed it.  I ended up having to rush to work, so I didn’t have a chance to dispose of Rose.  When I got home, I smelled something delicious cooking.

“Um, Anne, are you cooking pizza?”  

“Yes.  That frozen one in the fridge.  Hope you’re hungry.”  Anne donned some oven mitts and removed Rose from the oven.  She’d cooked up nicely, her crust a golden brown.

Anne handed me the pizza cutter.  “Will you do the honors?”

Well, what could I do?

That night, Anne and I watched TV on the couch.  Only two slices of Rose remained, we’d have the rest of her for breakfast.  Maybe it was just as well.

“You dozing off, Anne?”

She started awake.  “I ate too much.  What kind of pizza was that anyway?  Meat crust?”