CHAPTER 38

Most of it was just plain guilt. John’s little brother had been trying to drag him down to this pub since, almost, the very first day that John had come home. Naturally, John had not really felt all that enthused about joining the kid. John suspected that what the boy really wanted was to show off for his pals. Maybe he was even trying to show off for some woman, the bar maid, maybe. Initially John did not feel like getting involved in what he thought was nothing more than a kids game. He also kept using the excuse, “how do you think your buddies are going to feel when they find out I’m a plumber now?”

Jacob had replied, “I don’t know, maybe they’ll need their tap fixed?.”

It had been Jeanette that reminded John of exactly how his little brother felt. The last time that John had been around this house, while Jacob was alive, was something that had never occurred to John. It had been never. Jacob wasn’t even born until a few years after John had joined the Navy. That’s why their mother pointed out, “he idolizes you John.”

“Why?” That was all John said on the matter but, he kept his real thoughts inside, because, the way he had it figured, anybody that held him up as a hero was in sore need of a real one. Of course keeping that thought to himself did not keep it from his mother who was very good at reading both of her boys, no matter how old they got. That was why his mother had told him one day, “you’re a good man Jack, no matter if you see it or not.” It took days for John to see what she really meant.

It was that damn guilt. John had spent his entire life missing the relationships he should have had with the people around him. He had spent that life trying to do right by them, even trying to do things for them, and doing those very things was exactly what had kept him from enjoying any of the benefits that an average person not only expected but, took for granted. Was that why he quit when he did?

“Jack,” his mother had mentioned to him on the way out the door one day, “none of us ever have the time we want. You keep trying to plan for this perfect day and, it never comes. You have to take the opportunities in front of you.”

At first, John had no idea what she was talking about. They had both been on the way to work when she had said it. John had thought she was making some kind of vague reference, or even an excuse, about her seeing old man Watkins. It finally, occurred to John that she was talking about his brother and that got him to thinking. People had been trying to buy him drinks since he got home and, just because they were doing it did not mean the beer was free. The price that those people were asking was way to high. All that Jacob wanted was simple recognition and a little time. It was a bargain when you thought about it.

That was why John was sitting in his brother’s favorite pub, listening to some kids prattle on about things that kids do, and looking out the window at people going home for the evening, going about their lives in a way that he only wished that he could. Of course, John’s absence of mind had little to do with anything that these young boys understood yet. One of them proved as much when he noticed John’s perpetual stares at the street, “it’s your training, right?”

That earned the boy a strange look from John and several others, so, the kid explained, “always got your back to a wall, checking out the exits, keeping tabs on who comes and goes. I’ve been watching you since you got here. You did all that stuff.”

Jacob laughed at the notion. He would have the most reason to do so, since, he was the only one here who had seen John get up in the morning, “you are such a stupid tosser, Luke. That’s only on line in Wizards and Dragons!”

“Hey dumbass,” Luke shot back, “haven’t you heard? All that stuff is real now!”

John snorted under his breath, “not sure I’d go that far.”

The bar maiden, John thought her name was Sheila, came back over to the table. The woman was waiting on them a lot more than any of her other patrons and the way she kept bending over next to John told him exactly why. Her shirt was very low cut. She was not exactly ugly but, at the same time, John would never call the woman pretty. He might have even been able to get past that much, if he had been interested but, her personality also got in the way. Was that a sign that he was getting old?

Unfortunately for Sheila, she had an accent that sounded as putrid as anyone from the East End had ever had. She also had a personality that went with it in the kind of way that you thought only happened in the movies. She had already developed a pet name for her number one target and that was, “John Snow The Commando,” which came out with a lot of stress on the Oh’s. It really grated when you got right down too it.

The girl was smart enough to pick up on John’s distance and she bumped him with her hip and said, “I might not be having no sharp ears but, I got what really counts.” John did not even want to ask what that was since, he thought it was obvious. Then he learned he was wrong. The girl got several enthused takers who all followed her out the back door of the pub.

That left on only John, Luke, and Jacob sitting at the table and, it looked to John, as if the only reason his little brother stayed was because of his older sibling. So John leaned over the table and put it to the boys, “what is that all about?”

Luke answered since Jacob looked a little embarrassed, “they’re going to get high.”

John slapped his forehead, “oh brother.”

Jacob went from embarrassed to a little angry, “what’s wrong with you? It’s not like you never did. I know you did. I heard Mom and Dad talking about it once.”

That alarmed John, “talking?”

“Well,” Jacob admitted, “more like screaming but, that’s not what I mean and you know it.”

Luke meekly raised a finger and said, “I don’t get high.”

“Good for you,” John told the kid even if it was in a tone that spelled out how much he didn’t care. He just looked at his little brother and said, “you know when I joined the Navy, that almost kept me from ever having a career at all. I would have never gotten the chance to be an officer, I would have never made the SBS. It’s not like…”

Jacob just said it plain, “Jack, I don’t want to be in the navy.”

“That’s my whole point,” John replied, “you don’t have to be and I don’t want you too. Things now, they aren’t like when I was your age. There’s jobs out there now, good jobs, and you can get one.”

“Like what,” Jacob was unconvinced, “driving a truck? That’s all anybody wants these days. Just hauling this or that for the elves. That’s your idea of a good job?”

Luke mumbled, “I’d like to meet an elf. I haven’t managed yet. Come close once but…”

The kid was completely ignored as John walked right over him, “all those guys driving those trucks. They bring home pay checks from somewhere else. They spend that money here, in England. That’s a pay day we all haven’t seen in a long time. That opens up other doors for kids your age. You need to be worrying about taking advantage of that Jacob, not just hanging out on line or down here at the pub. There’s a whole world out there, two of them now.”

All of it went right over Jacob’s head and it was very obvious. It was not that Jacob was unaware of the world that existed right along side it’s sister self, just past the shadows. He was old enough to remember how things were, three years ago but, he had also been too young to understand what that world had been. Too him, and all of his buddies, this whole elf thing was just a passing fad and, it really wasn’t any different to them than an on line gaming world. Maybe that was why they had all accepted it so easily? John had wondered about that.

One day it was not going to be like that and John knew it. He could already see the first signs of reality creeping in. Sure, the Dell and everything, on the other side of it, still looked mystical to kids like Jacob and his friends. Most of them would probably never see that world though. At the end of the day, they would all come back to the same reality that humanity had been living in for most of it’s history. When the excitement was gone, the bills would still be there. Whatever novelty they got from looking at pointed ears was going to wear off and they were eventually going to realize that their ordinary and dull lives were now being shaped, at least in part, by a species that wasn’t even their own. How were they going to feel then?

As John pondered such things he realized that his little brother was in as different a mindset as John had feared. Jacob proved this by asking the most important personal issue he had, “you’re not going to tell mum, are you?”

“No,” John told the kid as he stood up, “right now I thought about getting another round. That’s about as far as it goes Jacob.”

The kid looked a little relieved as John walked to the bar. It almost made John want to laugh and, at the same time, cry. Jacob did not realize that what John told him was a doge. John never said he would not discuss the matter with their mother and, besides, John kind of figured she already knew about his habits. Why not? The woman seemed to know everything else! Of course, that was not the problem right now. None of it got John another round and, neither did walking to the bar.

“Hey,” John called out as he walked to the back door and stepped out into the alley. The whole crew was there and sure enough there was smoke rising up into the air. John noticed the windows of the house next door and wondered if the people behind them had ever thought about calling the cops? He then ignored it and just told the bar maiden, “hey, do you still sell beer around here?”

“Be right with you love,” the girl said with a giggle as she handed a small plastic sandwich bag to one of Jacob’s friends. She walked right by John, relieving him of his empty mug, and lightly brushing her fingers across his cheek as she did.

John just stood there and let her pass, amazed at how stupid he thought all of this was now. That was despite the fact that twenty years ago he had done far more and thought it just fine. Was he really getting that old? He was thinking that when he decided to follow Sheila but, John never made it. He caught of whiff of something that, at first, did not even register. That was mainly because he had grown so used to smelling it but, then his brain suddenly realized the implications. Before going in the door, John watched the kids in the alley and paid close attention to what they were doing. They were not just smoking weed. John thought about asking them exactly what they were doing but, decided otherwise. He could get an answer somewhere else and he damn well intended too.

John did not stop for his beer. He did not stop at the table. He just grabbed his kid brother by the arm and drug him right out the front door and, across the street. When Jacob was done protesting, John put it to the kid, “what are you guys spiking that stuff with?”

“What?” At first it appeared as if Jacob really didn’t understand the question and then, suddenly, it hit him. He relaxed and said, “oh, they were dusting back there. Should have figured.”

“Dusting?” John did not get it and he was pretty sure the kids in the alley didn’t either, “what the hell is that?”

“Would you come off it Jack,” the little brother replied. He gestured to himself, “I only do organic, myself. You know, like what I eat at home.”

“Never mind the bullshit Jacob,” John was dead serious, “where the hell did they get that powder in those bags I saw?”

“I have no idea,” Jacob waived the matter off. When he saw that this was not good enough for his brother he said, “well how should I know? Look, it’s not illegal if that’s what you’re worried about, Besides all that, you were a sailor, not a cop. What’s it to you?”

That caused John to shake his head like he had just been slapped upside it. His reaction had nothing to do with the whole cop and sailor thing ether. The way his brother took it for granted shocked him in no small way so, John asked, “just how common is this stuff?”

Jacob shrugged, “depends on where you are, I guess. I mean, I never heard of it till maybe a year or so ago. We went to London and everybody was doing it in the clubs there. I guess it was only a matter of time before somebody like Sheila was going to be selling it. She’s been keeping Harvey in weed since he was fifteen.”

What did John say to all this? Was there anything to say? All he could think to do was tell Jacob in no uncertain terms, “stay away from that shit.”

“Oy!” Jacob barked, “where do you come off telling me what to do, Jack? You’re not Dad. You been acting like it all night but, you’re not. Who are you anyways? Your life didn’t exactly turn out all fine, now, did it? Why should I listen to you?”

John tried to remain reasonable, “I’m somebody that gives a shit about what happens to you. I also happen to be somebody that knows one or two things that you don’t. So, on this one, at least, try and listen to me.” None of that phased the kid so John tried, “isn’t that why you wanted me to come down here? Cause I know stuff? Now when I’m trying to help you with some of that, you’re blowing me off?”

“The mates thought it might be cool,” Jacob told him, “guess I did too, in a way.” When it was clear John was not getting it Jacob told him, “look, you been over there. You know elves. They like that stuff and, I guess, so do I. That doesn’t mean you know everything Jack. You didn’t even know about Dust.”

“Oh I knew about it,” John told him. He thought about telling him some of the rest but, decided not too. “I know a lot more than you think.” John, then, rephrased his earlier statement and this time he tried being a bit more sympathetic, “look, will you just stop it as a personal favor to me? The elf guy? Please?”

Jacob just shrugged, “sure. Why not? I mean it’s not like I had any plans too, anyway. I told you, I like organics. It’s better for you.”

John just rolled his eyes and pulled his brother back to the pub.