CHAPTER 3

 It was bad enough that she could never quite read what strange thoughts were always passing through his mind. Even sitting at her desk, in the cramped office they shared, Dana would often be looking over to his desk and wondering what was going on behind those eyes. As she tapped away at her report she kept one of her eyes on him. He was always thinking about something, usually weird, and normally dangerous. At least the dangerous part was to be expected. That just went with working for the FBI. Of course, Dana had not expected it on such a regular basis.

 Finally she stopped tapping on her keyboard and slammed her palms down on the lousy excuse for a desk she occupied, “all right Mulder. What!? What is going on this time?”

 He slid the headphones off and developed his usual Joe Friday like dead pan stare, “what was that Skully?”
 

“You are never this silent Mulder,” she thought about it, “well I mean unless you’re possessed or whatever you call it. You’re up to something.”

 Fox Mulder pointed to the little box sitting on the shelf behind him.  It was right below his favorite poster of a ufo, “my new XM satellite radio.”

 Wow! That was actually something a normal person would do! Skully was a bit confused by this. Then she considered where they were, in the basement of the J Edgar Hoover building, and asked, “you can get reception on that thing down here?”

 “Oh yeah,” He offered her the headphones, “kind of like cable for the radio. Want to try it?”

 This was the strangest thing she had experienced since being assigned to the X-Files. She actually wanted to try something he had and that included the time he was showing pictures around the office of him in a bathing suit. Dana hesitated before putting on the headphones, “if I get brainwashed or, my head explodes, I’m shooting you Mulder.”

 “It’s perfectly safe,” he said with a relaxed smile.

 She still waited and thought seriously on the matter, “no aliens? No conspiracies? No…”

 “Would you stop being so paranoid.”
 

“I’m paranoid?”  She was just a tad bit defensive. Then again maybe she was paranoid. She had been around Mulder too long. With a deep breath and a “here we go,” she slipped them on and listened. As far as Dana knew, her partner had no life to speak of. She had always wondered what kind of music he listened too.  “Talk Radio? I didn’t figure you for a Republican?”

 Mulder looked down at the reports on his desk and casually replied, “well I didn’t vote for Bill Clinton. Everybody knew he was a part of the Walmart-Alien-Napkin Makers conspiracy.” Mulder flipped a page of the report on his desk and saw a beheaded body, “well that guy sure got a lousy haircut. Really short.”

 Dana had already completely tuned him out. She was listening to the deep voice on the radio. Apparently a caller had a problem with a co-worker who was too strange to describe. What could it hurt? Dana sure needed advice on that. This T Man C noted, “I too have experienced many difficulties over the years with my co-workers. I was once made to believe that they were my enemies but I came to see that they were my greatest of friends.”

 The caller responded questioningly, “so I should make friends with this guy?”

 T Man C was rather blunt, “meditate on the matter and refrain from physical confrontation until the situation comes into focus. Then silently, like a cat, move in on the subject from his blind side, always remaining up wind.”

 “Then what?”

 With an even deeper tone, “the situation will become perfectly clear.” 

 After a slight pause, “next caller. You are talking with T Man C.”

 It was a woman, “yeah I was listening to you the other day T Man.  Like that other woman I got this boyfriend who is like a total jerk and…”  Dana slipped off the headset.

 “Well Mulder,” she handed the headset back to him, “I see why you, um…. Why in the hell do you listen to that guy anyway?”

 Seldom did Mulder show emotion and this was no exception as his monotonous voice calmly noted, “he’s funny.”

 The slight rap at the door was something of a welcome excuse for Dana to change the subject. She was somewhat surprised to see her boss, Director Skinner, standing there.

 The man was looking around the office exploring the new sights, “so this is where you two actually work? I’d like to say I would have stopped in here before but since the bathrooms are one floor up I couldn’t think of a decent excuse.”

 Dana nodded and searched for the right reply, “um, well welcome to our office.”   She glumly sank in her chair, “welcome to the basement, sir.”

 “No need,” he replied as he dumped a large envelop on Mulder’s desk. “I don’t plan on staying. I was just specifically ordered to hand deliver that to Agent Mulder.”

 Mulder looked like a kid on Christmas morning as he held the package up to the light and tried to see inside. Skinner crossed his arms and sighed, “Mulder it’s addressed to you. You can open it.”

 “Oh I will sir,” Mulder replied as he tossed it over to his red headed partner, “Skully we had better take this over to lab and have it analyzed first, never can be to careful.”

 Oh sure! Anytime something real needed to be done she was the one stuck with the job. She decided to ask a more logical question after looking at the return address, “who ordered you to hand deliver it sir?”

 Skinner shrugged on his way out the door.  “Some guy.”

 Dana was appalled, “some guy walked in off the street and ordered you to do something in your own office?”

 The Director turned around and shrugged yet again, “oh I see that guy up stairs all the time. I used to think he just took the tour group a lot.  Course when I saw him smoking in the building I figured he was with the Tobacco Lobby and we can’t be to careful with those types. Best do what they say.” 

 Skinner left.

 Mulder got up out of his chair and peeked out the door with a periscope to make sure the coast was clear. Then he went to the corner of his office and turned on the microwave oven. He saw the looks Dana was giving him since there was nothing actually in the oven.  Mulder pointed out, “it messes up the electronic ease dropping. Plus I got it on sale at Target.”
 

Dana groaned as she got to her feet and pointed to the package, “Mulder do you know who this is from?”

 He apparently didn’t, “well I was too busy checking for booby traps. I forgot to look at the return address. Sheesh Skully, I can’t do everything.”

 “This is actually from a US Senator’s office, Mulder! Somebody who is actually important, you know?”

 That set Fox to thinking, “the US Senate you say? You know I recall a few years ago they were involved in the cover up of…”

 She slapped him on top of the head with the envelop, “would you stop it with all of that! Let me tell you what conspiracy is really chapping my ass right now Mulder! It’s the conspiracy my partner has to keep me stuck in this basement all the time while he listens to XM radio and chases axe wielding aliens from Vancouver, Canada!”

 Mulder rubbed at his chin, thought about it, and asked, “you’re really upset about something aren’t you?”

 Dana held back until her face was not quite as red as her hair. She licked her lips and stepped up right in his face, “ok let me put this in terms that even you will understand. This Senator,” she looked at the name on the envelop, “Kinsey, is just a regular elected politician who is probably just looking for some good, old fashioned, one-hundred percent, American, ass kissing from a couple of humble civil servants just like us.”

 “Kinsey?” Mulder began thinking again, “you know I remember the Lone Gunmen saying he was rapped up in this super secret government conspiracy run out of the Pentagon that…”

 “MULDER!” She had to collect herself again and then pointed to the package in her hand, “we are going to do whatever it is he wants, no aliens, no black ops, no missing time. Just get it done so that I… CAN… GET.. THE… HELL… OUT… OF… THE… BASEMENT!!!”

 Mulder pointed to the wall behind his desk, “it’s the poster, right?”