This is fantasy - do not try at home.

***

PART 5

How can you feel so alone in a crowd?

I was sitting in the university cafeteria surrounded by people and conversation. And yet, sitting at a table on my own, I felt separated from the world as if by an invisible barrier. I pushed my food listlessly around my plate, not feeling hungry, yet going through the motions of lunch.

I had not been back to Asphyx Club since I saw Alex and Kitty kiss. As the weeks had passed, I tortured myself by imagining the increasingly sexualised breathplay games that they must be playing. I could not stand going to Asphyx Club and being forced to watch.

Neither had I spoken to Alex since that moment. I had seen him from a distance, hand in hand with Kitty, and yet he had not acknowledged my presence, as their attention was focused on each other.

I hid from the emptiness inside me by throwing myself into my studies. Studying Chemistry allowed me to spend long hours in the lab, hiding myself away. My tutors praised my dedication and my resulting good grades, but these brought me no satisfaction.

I felt the presence of someone in front of me. I looked up to see Jane.

"I've found you! You are a hard person to track down," she said.

"Sorry - I've been busy in the lab."

"I wanted to ask you something. The drama club is putting on a performance of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, and we were wondering if you'd like to take part."

"I've never acted before," I responded.

"We were hoping you and Alex could help with the execution scene. We need two people from the Asphyx Club, and given your similar build, we thought you would be perfect for the hanging."

I guessed they wanted two people who would hang for the same length of time, and so needed them to have a similar height and weight.

"Are you in?" she asked.

I thought for a moment. This was a chance to spend time with Alex without Kitty being there. Even if my love was unrequited, the self-inflicted pain of being in his presence could not be any worse than sinking into my despair alone.

"Sure - I'll help."

***

Alex and I were in the dressing room on the night of the performance. We were alone, waiting for our call, as our scene was near the end of the play.

"Are you OK? You look on edge," asked Alex, as I paced back and forth.

"It's just that..." I struggled to find the right words. "I don't know, but with the audience..."

"You've hanged before, and even in front of a crowd during the Asphyx Club open evening. What's the problem?"

"I don't want to... But you know how we can react to the noose... What if we..."

Alex laughed. "Oh - I get it. You're worried about enjoying yourself too much!"

"Well, it wouldn't seem appropriate," I said.

"Yes - I'm sure us cumming in the noose would spoil the dramatic moment that the Director had planned."

Alex thought for a moment. "I know," he said, "if we have a quick wank now, we shouldn't cum again when we're onstage."

He immediately started to unlace his leather breeches. We were both dressed in period costumes, identical to the main actors, as we were to be their body doubles during the execution. We wore tight leather trousers and silk tunics: Alex in black and red, me in blue and brown.

He started stroking his cock. I fumbled at my crotch to release myself, trying not to look at Alex. Finally I came free, and I started wanking.

Alex interrupted me. "Hey - it will be faster it we do each other. Let me give you a hand first."

I was in shock as he sat next to me, and reached with his right hand for my cock. I wordlessly nodded, as I let him enclose it and begin to stroke.

I could not believe the sensation. It felt so much better than doing it myself. His hand was so warm and soft as it moved up and down my shaft.

I closed my eyes, wanting to savour every moment. I felt my balls beginning to tingle, and then the sensation moving up from the base of my cock, something I'd never felt before when wanking myself. As it reached my cock head, I felt a wave of pleasure greater than any I had known, and I came strongly in his hand.

I opened my eyes, my heartbeat and breathing starting to slow from their rapid pace. "Thank you," I whispered.

Alex smiled. "My turn now." He waved his cock at me. "Don't worry - he doesn't bite!"

I hesitantly reached out, in disbelief that this was really happening. I closed my hand around his erect cock. I started moving my hand up and down, trying to replicate the firmness and pace he had used on me.

Alex was uncut, like me, and on each downstroke I saw his glistening cockhead, lubricated by pre-cum. Alex closed his eyes, and leaned his head back. He looked so beautiful, his smooth golden complexion matching his tousled blonde hair. He looked angelic, innocent, and yet he was leading me astray. His lips were slightly parted, flushed with blood, just inches from my face. I wanted so much to lean forwards and kiss those delicate lips.

Alex subtly tensed, and I knew he was reaching climax. To my side I saw a wad of tissues, covered in my cum. In my left hand, I held the tissues a couple of inches from his cockhead.

Alex moaned, and I felt his cockhead swell in my hand. I watched in fascination as his cum leapt across the gap to the tissues. Once, twice, three times.

I removed my hand, and tried to find the right words. I knew the next thing I said to Alex would be the most important in my life.

There was a sudden loud knocking at the dressing room door. We both leapt to our feet, hurriedly pushing our cocks back into our leather breeches.

A stage hand leaned into the room. "You are on in ten minutes," he said.

I glanced down and saw the wad of tissues at my feet, soaked in our cum. I tried to surreptitiously kick it out of sight.

The stage hand opened his mouth to say something, then sniffed. His expression changed, and he frowned. In a sterner tone, he said, "We need you stage side now," and he left the room.

We both laughed guiltily, and headed after him.

***

The coarse hemp hood was scratching my face. I shook my head slightly, hoping to find relief, unable to use my hands as they were bound behind my back. The noose was taut around my neck, waiting for its moment.

We were onstage, standing on the edge of the gallows, on a ledge that would drop when Jon pulled the lever. The noose was tight to ensure a short drop.

We were behind a gauze screen across the stage. When lit from the front we were invisible to the audience, when lit from behind, we would be visible.

My mind was still racing from what had happened in the dressing room. What did it mean? Was this something that signaled a change in my relationship with Alex? What should I say to him? Could my dreams be coming true?

I knew that Alex had been to an all boys school before university. So maybe mutual masturbation was something normal to him, and what had happened was just a practical way to address my concerns. And yet, I could not believe that something so intimate did not mean something. How could I express my hopes, sensing his feelings, seeing if I could build on that special moment?

"Rosencrantz and Guidenstern are dead." Our cue; the lights came up bright on us, blinding me even through the coarse weave of my hood. I knew we were visible to the audience, noosed and bound on the gallows.

The ledge dropped away under my feet, and I heard the collective gasp at the sight of us hanging. I kicked my legs, seeking any support. I pulled at my bindings, trying to free my arms. I had no need to act - my body's natural reactions took over.

I could just about force a breath past the grip of the noose, and I heard a rasping gurgle next me, implying Alex could do the same. This would not be a quick hanging.

But the limited air was not enough to satisfy, intensifying my struggles, and further tightening the noose.

Finally, despite my best efforts, no further breath came. I fought the panic, as I danced for the crowd. My entire being was focused on the strain in my lungs and the vice-like grip of the noose.

Darkness came again, as the end drew near. My body spasmed and jerked as I weakened. At last, black oblivion took me.

***

How can you feel so alone in a crowd?

The room was packed: the cast and crew, their families and friends. The noise was intense, as the post-show release of tension drove the party atmosphere.

I had not spoken with Alex yet. As we had come back to consciousness after our hanging, we were surrounded by the actors for their curtain call. Then we were swept backstage for this after show celebration.

Alex now stood in the centre of the room, surrounded by Kitty and her friends. He was talking animatedly. From his actions, I guessed he was reliving his moment of glory onstage.

With a sigh, I slipped out of the room unnoticed by anyone, into the cold darkness of the winter's night.