and you find me in the deep forest, miles from any living soul, this is what I think you will do.

I think you will ask my name, where my parents are, whether I’m all alone. You will give me a blanket and a cookie and comfort me. You will take me on your lap, put my hair up in a ponytail, and tell me it’s all right. You will ask me to put my hands behind my back. You will tie my little wrists together and ask me if it is too tight. Curious, I will watch as you take a fine, thick rope out of your rucksack and start working on it. I will be fascinated by your skills and ask you what you’re making. You will tell me it’s a surprise as your hands tie a beautiful seven-turn slipknot. You will lift the loop up high in the air. And I will laugh as you slide it over my little head. The noose will tickle my tiny collarbone, and you will lift it over my larynx and tenderly tighten it around my slender neck. Smiling, with stars in my eyes, I will admiringly watch as you throw the rest of the rope up high against the blue sky. It will land on the other side of a thick branch above us. You will lift me as you get up, and perch me on your hip. With a low, comforting voice, you will calm me while you take out all the slack, secure the rope, and place the big slipknot behind my left ear.

And then…

You will hang me.

Your hands will slowly open and leave me in the noose’s faithful embrace. I will bow my head as if in prayer to my new master and start bouncing slightly up and down as the branch bends, getting used to its new fruit. The noose will slip up deep under my jaw and follow the contours of my skull. The first seconds I will be paralyzed. Then I will try to free my hands. My bare slender shoulders will move and I will make a few tentative kicks in thin air. You will touch me and talk to me as you would to an uneasy horse.

“Shhh. Easy now, easy…”

And I will empty my bladder in a helpless little squirt. You will whisper in my ear.

“Shhh… It’s ok child. You are being hanged now. It has happened to every single girl I’ve hanged.”

You will hug me. And as you do, you will hear a tiny little sound and feel the warmth from a barely noticeable breath. You will hold me and look at me with a worried expression. Then you will lift me and lay my head on your shoulder. You will hear a tiny click and the whispering sound from my constricted throat as my lungs struggle to refill; you will grab the big slipknot and move it back and forth a little, while you talk to me with your comforting voice.

“Shhh… It’s all right. Let’s see if we can find a better position here, girl. You’re light as a feather, so we just have to find the sweet spot.”

Then you will tighten the noose and launch me again. The rope will sink into the red groove under my chin and lock my little head in a slightly new angle with my pony tail pointing at the leaves above me. With your ear close to my blue lips you will listen for a few seconds. Then you will smile and caress my cheek.

“That’s it… That’s better.”

I will try to move one more time, but you will stop me.

“Shhh… Easy now. Let me help you a little more.”

And you will put your heavy hands on my slender little shoulders, adding weight, reducing the noose to a tight little ring around my spine.

“Let the noose be your best friend now, girl. It is good to you, you know… That’s it. Good girl. You are being hanged. Hanged in my tree. You can rest. This is your noose now. It is only yours. Your sweet noose takes you away… right… now. Feels good, doesn’t it? That’s it. Good hanged girl. My good… sweet… hanged… little Una girl.”

That’s what I think you will do if you find me in the deep forest.


Thanks to editor MephMarwood