The company was named SUZEtech, and their mission was providing the highest quality, most realistic looking dolls and mannequins to customers all over the world. The scientists at SUZEtech had pioneered a number of processes to convert human females into these objects, and due to the growing popularity of realistic dolls and mannequins, demand had skyrocketed. The newest challenge for SUZEtech was trying to keep up with demand.
Typically, the ‘marketing’ department used clever ads and other techniques to lure beautiful young women into their facility; but this proved not to be sufficient to keep up, so they decided that it was time they went outside of the facility to find their ‘models’.
The city where SUZEtech was located had several high-end fitness clubs; they chose one as a test run, and bought a majority ownership in it. Once the deal had been finalized, the technical team went in and installed the necessary conversion equipment, as well as a series of cameras throughout the gym. The cameras would link back to marketing, allowing them to select ‘models’ that fit the necessary criteria. Lucky for them, this high-end fitness club had no shortage of beautiful, fit women.
Then there was phase two: selecting those who didn’t quite meet the criteria but were close, and giving them incentive to get there.
Denise had only been a member of the gym for a few weeks; the young, attractive high school history teacher had been recommended by one of her colleagues, and while she really enjoyed the workouts, she didn’t think she was going to be able to afford the membership beyond the first month.
So when she saw the letter in the mail, with the offer of a free three month membership there, she jumped for joy! The letter explained that as long as she achieved certain measurable results by the end of the three months, she would not have to pay the gym a single dime! All of her thoughts about leaving the gym vanished; the next day, she came in with the signed contract.
“Hi,” she said to the young lady in the office. “I got one of these three month free membership offers in the mail yesterday. It’s all signed and everything, but I’m curious – why me?”
“Well, we don’t offer to everyone, but we do hope that after 90 days here that you won’t ever want to leave. We want to make you a customer for life and we believe this is the best way to do that!”
“Okay, like I said I was just curious. Thank you for choosing me!” And she handed the contract over without any further hesitation.
Every day for the next three months without fail, Denise was in the gym. Her male trainer, Andre, was full of energy and seemed just as focused as she was to make those measurables! Her biggest problem area was her abs, so three days a week she went through an hour of varying exercises designed to trim and shape her stomach muscles. The other four days she worked on other areas; arms, legs, butt, and plenty of yoga and aerobics.
On the last day of the three month period, she was all smiles as she came through the door; she knew she had worked hard, and she had never felt in better shape in her entire life! Andre greeted her as she walked past the front desk.
“Well, girl, how do you feel today?” he asked as she stopped in front of him.
“I feel amazing! Thank you so much Andre!”
“Well, you ready to go and get measured?”
“I am!” the voluptuous brunette gushed. “How does this work?”
Andre pointed to a room behind her that was marked ‘Authorized Personnel Only’. “Go through that door, that’s the changing room. Take everything off and then go through the next door. There are no windows and no people – the measuring system is completely private. The process shouldn’t take long at all.”
“What exactly are they measuring? I think you told me at the beginning but I forget.”
“Your waist, your biceps, upper and lower legs, I think. You’ve worked so hard, you really deserve the reward that’s coming!”
“Well, what am I waiting for then?” Denise leaned up to the taller man and planted a kiss on his cheek before skipping off through the door.
As he watched her disappear, Andre had mixed emotions. He was proud of her hard work, but he had grown fond of the gorgeous young woman and would definitely miss her. But the bonus check he would get for her delivery would soften that loss just a little. He picked up the phone and dialed a number.
“Yes, Clean Slate Department? This is Andre, at the gym. I have another one, I’ll send you the file now. You know I really appreciate you guys – it makes my job so much easier, knowing you’re there to tie up any loose ends, keep us all out of trouble. You too, have a great day! Bye.”
Denise closed and locked the door behind her, then quickly started peeling out of her outfit. She had come straight from school, so she was still in the same clothes she had worn that day: a light pink button-up blouse, a black knee-length skirt, black five-inch closed-toe pumps, and a satin bra and panty set. As she removed each item, she folded it carefully and set it on a chair next to her, the only other thing in the small room other than her.
There was a small sign on the wall: “Please remove all items of clothing, jewelry and any other accessories before entering the processing room.” Denise carefully removed her earrings, necklace, ankle bracelet, and rings, and slipped them into a zipper pocket on the inside of her purse, which was sitting on the floor under the chair. Her gym bag was next to it, and she was now completely bare of everything. She took a deep breath and pushed open the door to the next room.
The room she entered was only slightly larger than the one she had come from. The walls, ceiling, and floor were all white and bare; the only exception was that one wall was covered by a full-length mirror. On the opposite side of the room was a metal platform, slightly larger than a bathroom scale. The only other thing in the room was a square box in one of the corners, about the size of two shoeboxes, and written on the top of the box was her name, ‘Denise’. She smiled upon seeing it, as she wondered what sort of gift the club was giving her for meeting all her goals!
As the door clicked shut behind her, an unseen, pleasant-sounding female voice began speaking.
“Welcome to the SUZEtech Processing Room. Please stand on the metal platform and face the mirror.”
“Umm…okay,” Denise replied, as she stepped up on the platform and looked across the room into the mirror. As she did, she took in what she saw: the body she had always dreamed of – except now it wasn’t a dream any more, it was real!
Denise gazed at her reflection, as her right hand tousled her wavy shoulder-length hair. Her skin had always been great, but all of the workouts gave it something extra, a bit of a shine almost – it looked flawless!
Her eyes wandered down her body, checking out her perfectly toned arms and legs. Her D-cup breasts were firm and taut, with no sag whatsoever, and her stomach, which had been her biggest issue, was simply perfect.
“Please stand perfectly still, with your arms at your sides. Commencing full body scan in five, four, three, two, one.” Denise felt a warm light bathing her body; the feeling wasn’t much different than the rays from the tanning salon. The light shone from somewhere above her, causing her to look down at the floor.
As the light moved up and down her body, the voice continued: “Subject height five feet seven inches. Subject weight 130 pounds. Chest measurement is 36 D. Waist measurement is 22. Hips measurement is 36. Subject is confirmed ready for processing.”
Denise heard the last word, and was about to open her mouth to ask what it meant, when a beam of light struck her square in the forehead. The sensation caused her head to jerk upwards quickly, her eyes and mouth wide open in total surprise, as her entire body began to tingle and become numb. She was staring straight ahead into the mirror, and as she watched, her eyes began to whiten. In a few seconds, they were completely white. She tried to move, but none of her muscles would respond; her mouth was still open and she couldn’t close it, either.
“Subject 20-1002-244 is now beginning the first stage of processing.”
“Processing?” Denise mouthed, barely able to manage a whisper. “What’s going on?” She could still see her reflection in the mirror; the beam of light still shining on her forehead, her totally white eyes, open mouth, and immobile body. “Why can’t I move?”
“Subject will remain aware as it is processed into the inflatable sex doll ‘Denise’.”
“The what?” Denise gasped. “This can’t be real; I’m a living, breathing, woman, a high school history teacher. I’m not a sex doll!”
“Stage One 90% complete.” The voice, wherever it was, didn’t seem to acknowledge Denise’s questions or statements in any way.
“Andre? Where are you? Somebody help me! I can’t move and it’s getting really…hard to…even…tal-”
“Stage One 100% complete. Subject no longer has control of any of its muscle systems. Stage Two commencing.”
Denise shuddered deep inside as she felt something happening inside her, something she had never felt before, something completely and totally wrong. It was as if all of her organs, her bones, her insides, were disappearing somehow, and being replaced with…nothing. Her body felt so light, as if it could practically float away like a balloon…only her head still felt close to its normal self. She was conscious and aware of what was happening to her, and at the same time completely helpless to do anything about it.
“Stage Two 90% complete.”
Denise could feel the light, empty feeling moving up, as her arms hung limply at her sides. It rose up through her throat, and then her head started to feel very, very strange, as if a cloud had slipped into it somehow and pushed her brain out the other side.
“Stage Two 100% complete. Subject weight 15 pounds. Stage Three commencing. Subject will retain consciousness until Stage Four is complete.”
Stage Three…Stage Four…Denise tried to wrap her mind around what was happening, but with every second, more and more of her thoughts drifted away, replaced with much simpler ones…thoughts of being a happy object, made to please its owner. She realized too late that the whole ‘three month free membership’ had been nothing more than an elaborate ruse to get her to this place in this condition, and it had worked perfectly. Just as she was feeling a tiny bit of guilt and shame for not realizing it earlier, when she could have maybe done something about it, those thoughts drifted away, into the air, never to reappear again.
“Stage Three 90% complete. Subject is accepting the Inflatable Sex Doll programming. Subject will retain basic memories and awareness. All else will be erased.”
Denise’s last original thought as her mind was wiped and reprogrammed was that her class was going to need a new teacher…and then, it, too, was gone.
“Stage Three 100% complete. Programming complete. Stage Four commencing.”
What remained of her consciousness, her awareness, was staring into the mirror. She was vaguely aware of a shadow behind her, and then a tiny pinch on her back. Something was being embedded into her now-silicone skin. She was aware that she had undergone a life-changing transformation – and she was also aware that, save for the valve in her back, she still looked exactly the same as she did when she walked into the room.
“Stage Four 90% complete. Inflation/deflation valve installed. Deflation will now begin.”
The same machine that had installed the valve now opened it. Denise’s eyes were glued to the mirror, watching as the air began to rapidly leave her body. As the air disappeared, so, too, did her consciousness. Denise felt a rush like she had never felt before; if she was still a flesh and blood female, she would surely have climaxed at the sensations she was experiencing. Her programming allowed her to feel a similar sensation without the actual physical result.
It only took a minute.
“Stage Four 100% complete. Inflatable Sex Doll ‘Denise’ is now ready for packaging.”
Denise didn’t hear any of this; in her now completely deflated state, she wasn’t conscious of anything. She wasn’t aware at all when the door opened and a figure walked in, kneeling down to her and folding her up as carefully as she had folded up her clothes a short time before. She wasn’t aware when the box bearing her name was opened as she was neatly placed inside, wrapped in clear plastic. And she wasn’t aware when the box was closed and carried away, to be taken to a warehouse with hundreds, maybe even thousands of identical looking boxes.
She wouldn’t be aware of anything at all for however many days, weeks, or months it took before someone purchased her and opened her valve and reinflated her. Her consciousness, like every other in the warehouse, was in some sort of frozen state, asleep.
Andre hung up once more with the Clean Slate Department, confirming that another doll was processed and ready to be shipped. He reflected for a moment how truly easy it was to erase someone – there were only two things necessary: gaining their trust, and getting enough of their vital information. And SUZEtech had mastered both.
He looked up as a fresh-faced young woman, blonde and tan but a bit on the comely side, walked up to him.
“You’re Andre? The girl at the desk told me to come see you, I just got one of these free three-month membership things in the mail, how awesome is that?”
“I’ll be happy to help you, Miss. Just follow me…”
Updated 5/12/15: Edited with thsuggestions provided by MosbyRedux in his critique. The ending is expanded and there are some small changes throughout...hope it improves what I think was an already great story ( if I do say so myself
)
For his prize in my March Blue Blaze Art Contest,
asked for a story based on this image:

So this is what I came up with!
Fans of my work will notice a few similarities to my earlier story "The Box". SUZEtech, which is again the company involved, is the property of
I wrote the story then realized I had no title, so this is what I came up with - if you think of a better title let me know, I can always change it!!
DD

For his prize in my March Blue Blaze Art Contest,


So this is what I came up with!
Fans of my work will notice a few similarities to my earlier story "The Box". SUZEtech, which is again the company involved, is the property of

I wrote the story then realized I had no title, so this is what I came up with - if you think of a better title let me know, I can always change it!!
DD

Having Denise aware of what is happening and being able to see it happen is a highly effective element in the story.

I loved the paralyzing ray because of that she could see the changes in her beautiful body n///n

I don't know about better title but
"Airhead"
would work at one level and on the implied deeper level something like
"Perfect"
"Perfection Plus"
"Better than Perfect"
etc
edit: excellent story btw
"Airhead"
would work at one level and on the implied deeper level something like
"Perfect"
"Perfection Plus"
"Better than Perfect"
etc
edit: excellent story btw

This isn't normally my thing but wow, you sold it. The writing was solid and well paced and erotic on top of that.
Nice job.
Nice job.


Should have included this in my critique, but forgot. I always enjoy brainstorming titles! There's nothing wrong with the title you've got, but here are a few other ideas:
- "Weight Loss"
- "Your Free Trial is Expiring..."
- "Objectification"
- "Standards of Beauty"
- "Results in 90 Days, Guaranteed!"
That last one might work better as a title on the flyer Denise receives, but whatever. Thanks for sharing!
- "Weight Loss"
- "Your Free Trial is Expiring..."
- "Objectification"
- "Standards of Beauty"
- "Results in 90 Days, Guaranteed!"
That last one might work better as a title on the flyer Denise receives, but whatever. Thanks for sharing!

Thanks!! You are the only one to offer any alternative titles. I will give each one some thought!

Not everyone enjoys titles, but for someone like me (who waxes ridiculously long), I find title brainstorming a useful exercise for practice in distilling an impression of the piece into a few words.

Thank you. and your critique was great...i have been writing lately and posting without getting any feedback first and so maybe I will make a few edits 


You're very welcome! I never want to sound too harsh, and I get the feeling that I am always pushing for deeper/more complex stories, when really something which is a quicker read ("one bite" rather than a whole meal) is perfectly fine. I just get excited quickly by the prospects of character and world/universe exploration 


Very creative. Good story.
Ah, where can one find the Denise Inflatable Sex Doll? Just curious.
Ah, where can one find the Denise Inflatable Sex Doll? Just curious.

Oh, most excellent! I particularly love the orgasmic feeling Denise had when being deflated. What a wonderful touch! And the fact that she would regain some sort of awareness when someone reinflated her for "use" is just deliciously fiendish. Bravo! Very well done, Denise!

Interesting. Your weight loss is impressive, but I think I prefer women with meat on their bones and, well having bones for that matter.

I hope Denise doesn't stay on the shelf too long! Thank you for another story from your marvelous imagination!
Related: even if it's an offhand mention (say, Andre calls the "Clean Slate Department" to deal with Denise's disappearance), it would contribute a little more world-building for there to be some sense of how SUZEtech avoids investigation and prosecution. Maybe they concentrate on the lonely or vulnerable, so there's less mess on the back end.
In Denise's introduction, you mention that she is single. It seemed a bit out of place in that part of her description, and as things now stand it could probably be removed. If it matters for the story or character that Denise is single, you might as well develop that a bit further, and give that descriptor a reason to be here -- i.e., she's hoping that a gym membership and the results it promises will help her become NOT single. Or, alternatively, maybe she likes being single, and could scoff at those who only attend the gym as "man-chasers," while she is interested in her fitness for its own sake. I'm not saying either is "better" from a character point of view, but merely trying to suggest ways you could expand on what's here to make the character deeper.
Does Denise ever wonder why she's being offered this free ride at the gym? You might want to at least lampshade this somehow -- like she has vague ideas that the gym would make up its losses in ad revenue. Perhaps something that would not stand up to real scrutiny, but a half-formed idea that she uses to push away any doubts while she pursues this too-good-to-be-true opportunity.
It might have been nice for a little more of an explanation of the "measurement" session before it began. It almost seemed like Denise was expecting it, but since it's new to the reader we should be informed, even if briefly, about what she's expecting as she walks into the room. That would increase the dramatic payoff as we see her expectations violently overturned.
It seems like a few characters are missing when Denise regards her own stomach -- it currently reads "perfe".
I appreciated the ebbing of Denise's consciousness -- that's the climactic highlight of the piece, and if desired you could even draw it out with more detail about her fading, frantic thoughts!
I also liked the "she wasn't aware" repetition in the penultimate paragraph. It hammers home her fate.
I'll admit to feeling like the ending could use a little more punch, something that fits with the tragedy/creepiness/comparisons to human trafficking/commentary on the commodification of sexuality/etc. that you are meaning for the readers to come away with from the story as a whole. Here's one outline of an idea I had for an ending, to be appended after the existing prose:
Andre hangs up with the Clean Slate Dpt, reflecting on how easy it is to erase someone when you have their trust and enough of their vital information. Then he looks up to see a comely, fragile-looking girl enter, who introduces herself and meekly mentions something she'd received in the mail offering "Three Months' Free Membership to the Properly Motivated." Andre turns on the charm: "Certainly, Miss! I'll just need you to sign some papers..."
Good work -- keep it up!
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