Amanda Jones walked up the steps leading to the hostel entrance; her friend, Ciara Nightingale, was right behind her. The two had met a couple of years earlier, when Amanda was a sophomore and Ciara a senior at the same high school in Massachusetts. They had been in the same World History class that year, and through class projects and discussions, each discovered that the other shared their love of both mystery and adventure!
They spent the rest of that school year ‘sleuthing’ about, as much as they could for a couple of high school students. Even though Ciara went away to study archaeology at the University of Alexandria in Egypt, the two kept in almost daily touch. When Amanda found out she’d be in Europe for the summer, she made it a point to figure out a way for the two to meet up; Ciara, now 20, had just finished a summer ‘dig’ in Giza and had some free time to travel. So she hopped on a train and met Amanda in Konigsberg, Germany, where the 18-year-old Amanda and two friends she’d met while backpacking through Europe were staying.
It was dark outside; the two friends had spent so much time catching up that they had lost track of time. Amanda opened the door to her room quietly, expecting that her friends, Hannah and Kat, would already be asleep. Instead, she turned on the light to see that the room had been ransacked, and there was no sign of her friends!
“Hannah? Kat?” she called out, but there was no answer. Ciara walked over to the table, where a small yellow envelope had been ripped open. She picked it up, and held it up for Amanda to see.
“Is this the thing you were telling me about?” she asked Amanda.
“Yes, the half of the key. I should have never left it here!” Amanda exclaimed. “This is my entire fault, Ciara…if something bad has happened to them, I will never forgive myself!”
Amanda’s phone buzzed at that exact moment. She withdrew it from the pocket of her short denim-blue shorts, and looked at the display. “It’s Hannah!” she gushed, and then answered it. “Hannah, where are you, I’ve been so-”
“This isn’t Hannah,” a gruff-sounding male voice, with a thick German accent, interrupted.
“Who is this, and how did you get her phone?”
“You need to be quiet and listen, Amanda Jones. We know you have been snooping around, asking questions, and getting involved in things that are none of your business. We also know you are in possession of an item that doesn’t belong to you, and we want it back. We have your pretty friends, and as long as you come to the address we give you, and give us back what you took, no harm will come to them.”
Amanda gasped silently. While this wasn’t the first time she had encountered peril as part of her ‘sleuthing’, this was the first time that she had gotten others in trouble, and it made her sick. She was trying to think of something intelligent to say, but the voice on the other end didn’t give her the opportunity.
“I will text you the address. You have one hour. And, no police.” And there was a ‘click’ as the call disconnected. Amanda’s pale face was a stark contrast to her dark-brown hair, as she turned to Ciara, open-mouthed.
“Oh my God, Amanda,” her raven-haired friend remarked. “What are you going to do?”
“What else can I do? I have to go there, and figure out a plan to get them out of there!” Her phone buzzed, and it was a text from Hannah’s phone, with the address. In the text was a photo, presumably taken with Hannah’s phone, of the two girls. They were bound back-to-back, still dressed, their arms pulled over their heads, in a standing position, their feet barely touching the floor.
Amanda gasped as she saw the photo. “They weren’t kidding…they have them tied up and everything!” She showed the photo to Ciara, thought for a moment, and then her eyes widened. “They don’t have the half of the key! That’s the ‘item’ they think I have, but I left it here…so Hannah or Kat must still have it!”
Ciara grinned. “They are expecting just you, Amanda. They don’t even know who I am or that I’m here…so I’m going with you. I can watch from outside, and call the police if there’s any trouble.”
“Great idea!” Amanda exclaimed. “I knew there was a reason we needed to get together. Sometimes I wonder,” she paused, “if it’s such a good idea for me to always be sleuthing. I mean, poor Hannah and Kat…” she wailed, as she looked at the photo again.
“This isn’t your fault. You aren’t the one who’s done something illegal or immoral. This is who you are, Amanda! You’re like a real-life Nancy Drew! And don’t worry – we will figure out a way to rescue them! You always come up with a plan, Amanda; you are like the smartest person I know!”
“Oh Ciara,” Amanda blurted, as she hugged her friend tightly. “I do know one thing – if these people are willing to go to these lengths to get that key, then it must be that important!” Her eyes brightened a bit. “We really might be onto the trail of the long-lost Amber Room!”
“Well then we better go rescue your friends? Do you even know where this place is, Amanda?”
“No, but I’ll bet that cute guy at the desk does,” Amanda grinned. She looked over at Ciara, who was dressed in a long dark grey sweater, striped black-and-purple leggings, and black ankle boots. “Are you going to wear that?”
“Yeah, why not, it’s dark enough that I should be able to stay out of sight?” Ciara laughed as she looked over at Amanda, who was dressed in a thin grey shirt that was tied up above her midriff, a dark blue unzipped fleece sweater, the short blue shorts, hose, and sneakers. “I should be fine, if you’re going like that!”
“You know this is how I like to dress,” Amanda replied. “It’s comfortable and fun…okay let’s find out where this place is ok?” She slid her phone back into her shorts pocket, grabbed a small flashlight from her backpack, and headed for the door, Ciara right behind her.
It was a short walk down the hall to the lobby, where a young man with tousled brown hair greeted them. Amanda showed him the text, making sure the photo of Hannah and Kat was hidden from his view. “Do you know where this is?”
“Sure,” he replied, in his thick German accent. “Go out to the street, take a right, it’s two more roads down, take a left, and then take that road all the way to the end, it’s not too far!”
“Thanks!” Amanda smiled, as she put her phone away and walked towards the door. Once she and Ciara were out of earshot, she whispered, “Told you he was cute!” She turned on her flashlight, as they headed down the road. Once they were out of sight of the hostel, the flashlight came in very handy, as the only other light was from the full moon above them.
They followed the instructions carefully, and soon found themselves heading down the road they needed to take to its end. As the road began to disappear, they saw a farmhouse, and off to the side was a barn, with lights on inside. Amanda motioned to Ciara, as she started across the field towards the barn. Ciara waited, out of sight, watching her friend carefully. There was no sign of anyone outside. Once Amanda was close to the barn, Ciara started to slowly walk through the shadows, taking a longer path to get to the barn. They met next to a window along one side; as they peeked through it, they could see Hannah and Kat, still tied up the same way as in the photo, their heads bowed towards the floor. There was a man there as well, slender in size, wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and boots. He was pacing back and forth as if waiting for someone.
“Okay,” Ciara whispered, “I will stay right here, and keep an eye out. You go around the front, and I should be able to see you once you get inside, and call for help if things go bad. I just see one guy in there?”
“Yeah, I don’t see anyone else; maybe they are in the farmhouse?” Amanda whispered back. “Okay, here I go,” and she started walking around the barn, towards the front. Ciara’s eyes were turned to the left, watching Amanda closely; the moment Amanda disappeared from sight, Ciara turned her attention back to the window.
The moment that Ciara turned her head, a gloved hand appeared in front of her eyes. Before she could react, it pressed a cloth, soaked with some kind of chemical, hard against her nose and mouth.
“MMMM! MMMM!” Ciara tied to scream, but the sound was muffled by the cloth. She heard a voice whisper into her ear, as her head became increasingly dizzy and light:
“We’ve been expecting you.” That was the last thing Ciara heard, before she lost consciousness, falling into the arms of her unknown captor. She was unaware as her body was dragged around to the back of the barn.
Meanwhile, out at the front, Amanda was knocking on the large barn door. “Hello? Is anyone there?” she called out.
A male voice finally answered, after a minute or so. “Be right there… hang on…”
“Okay,” Amanda muttered, as she tapped her foot impatiently. Part of her wanted to run, the part that feared for her own safety; part of her wanted to get her phone out and text Ciara, see if she could see what was taking so long; but the part of her that was worried about Hannah and Kat was the part that kept her there, at the door, waiting. She really didn’t have much of a plan, but she had some ideas of what to do, depending on how the kidnapper reacted.
Finally, after a few minutes, the barn door opened. Amanda recognized the man as the same one she had seen through the window.
“Amanda Jones?” he asked. She nodded. “Do come in,” he added, as he opened the door all the way, and as he did, her eyes widened in shock at what she saw. Hannah and Kat were still suspended, but now Ciara was between them, suspended in the same way, and her eyes were closed; she was clearly unconscious.
“Ciara!” she gasped, as she ran over to where her three friends were bound around the barn’s center support beam. As she did, another man stepped from the shadows, a big, burly man in a black sweater and jeans, wearing black gloves.
“You thought you were being clever,” he declared, “but we’ve been watching you, Frau Jones. We knew your friend was coming with you.”
Amanda turned to him, looking defiant. “Who are you? What do you want from me?”
“I am Billy, and this is Steve. You know what we want,” Billy replied, as Steve walked over to stand next to him. “We want the item you have, the piece of the amber key. We searched your friends here; they don’t have it, so that means you must have it.”
“Let my friends go first,” Amanda sputtered, “and I’ll give you what you want.”
Billy laughed. “Frau Jones, you cannot be serious. We hold all the cards, as you Americans say. You can either give us the key, or we can take it,” and he held up the cloth that he had used on Ciara.
“Why should I trust you?” Amanda glared back and forth between them. “How do I know that you’ll keep your word, and let my friends go if I give it to you?”
“The same way we know that once I let them go, you’ll stop nosing around in other people’s business,” he replied with a sly wink.
She shook her head. She needed to make a choice, and fast. She turned and looked out the open door, towards the darkness, and the woods beyond it that she could barely see.
“If you want the key so bad,” she exclaimed, “you’re going to have to find it in the woods! Because that’s where I’m going to throw it!” And she took off out the door, towards the woods, running as fast as her blue sneakers could take her. She didn’t stop running, even as she entered the woods. She didn’t stop running, even as she heard footsteps in the distance. She didn’t stop for anything, she wanted to get as far away as she could from them, make them think she had tossed the missing piece of amber somewhere in the woods, where it might never be found. She turned her head once, to see if she could make out the shapes of her pursuers…
“THWACK!”
Her head hit a large branch that had been knocked over by a recent storm, and she was knocked unconscious before her body hit the forest floor.
Amanda opened her eyes. Her head was still throbbing from where she had collided with the tree branch. She was still sitting in the woods; and as her eyes started to focus, she saw a large man standing over her.
“No…no…no…” Amanda mumbled, as she tried to get up, thinking it was the man from the barn. But, as her vision cleared, she saw it was someone else…a very tall, large man with blond hair and blue eyes. “Wh…who are you…”
He reached down and took her hand, helping her to her feet. “Nick…Nick Swofford. Looks like you hit your head pretty hard there, young lady.”
“Uh…yeah…I’m Amanda…Amanda Jones,” she mumbled, as she tried to stand up under her own power. “I…my head still hurts, but I think I’m ok…I was being chased…”
“Chased by them?” Nick pointed towards the barn, where two figures were lying in the grass. Amanda started to walk towards them, still a bit unsteady; Nick walked beside her, making sure she didn’t fall again. “Was it for the thing you threw into the forest?”
“Yeah,” Amanda groaned, “by them…you saw that?” She smiled slightly; if this man saw her do that, then hopefully so did the guys chasing her.
“Yes, was it something important? Should we go and look for it?”
“Important to them, but not to me, not anymore.” Then her eyes lit up. “My friends – they are still tied up inside the barn!”
“Stay here,” Nick commanded, “I will go and take care of them.” He walked briskly towards the open barn door; as he entered, Hannah and Kat raised their heads to see who it was, and smiles crossed their faces.
“Nick!” Hannah exclaimed, “Thank heavens! You have come to our rescue again!”
“Ah, Hannah. I see you and your friend are in a bit of trouble again, is this a habit of yours?” He looked around for something to stand on, as even with his height he couldn’t easily reach the ropes that were suspending them. He found a stool and dragged it over, starting to untie their wrists.
“Not a habit really,” Hannah conceded, as her wrists were freed and she dropped to the floor, thankful to be free once again. “Our friend Amanda-”
“Yeah, I have met your friend Amanda,” Nick interrupted. “She’s outside with a bit of a headache – apparently she was running away from those guys and ran headfirst into a tree. So she is the one that is responsible for getting you girls in all this trouble?”
“No, not really,” Kat blurted out, as Nick was finishing untying her wrists. “I mean, she started telling us about all of her adventures, and we couldn’t help but want to be a part of them! But we could have said no, it’s not her fault…”
“And who is this young lady between you?” he asked, as he started loosening the ropes holding Ciara in the air. “I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure yet.”
As the final rope came off, and she dropped down into his arms, Ciara’s eyes fluttered open. “I’m…Ciara…friend of…Amanda…thank you…” He carefully set her down, even as her eyes stayed locked on him.
“Are you ladies all right?” Nick asked. “You have had quite the adventure tonight, it seems…or maybe I should say ‘misadventure’?”
Ciara nodded, as Hannah replied, “Yeah, thanks to you we are! You are our knight in shining armor, it seems!”
Hannah gave him a bit of a sideways glance. “I have to wonder, though…how did you know we were here?”
Nick smiled slightly. “I have to be honest…after I dropped you two off at the hostel, I started home, but then I started to get worried again. I had this feeling that Billy was up to no good…so I turned around and headed back, and that’s when I saw Amanda leaving with her friend here. I didn’t want to intrude, so I followed them from a safe distance…and I am really glad I did!”
As this was all going on, Amanda was outside, rifling through the pockets of the two unconscious men that had kidnapped her friends. She started with the smaller man, Steve, and all she found was a half-pack of smokes, a lighter, and some worn identification and euros. Then, she moved over to Billy. She slipped her small hand into his front jeans pocket, and withdrew a folded-up piece of paper. Carefully, she opened it; it appeared to be part of a map. She quickly re-folded it and slipped it into her own pocket. She finished going through his other pockets, but there was nothing else of note. As she got back to her feet, Nick and the others were coming out of the barn door.
“My jeep is over there,” Nick announced, as he pointed towards the road. “Let me take you ladies back to town, and maybe you should get checked out, Miss Jones – you might have a concussion.” He looked genuinely concerned as he walked towards her.
“I think I’m fine,” she declared. “My head is feeling better already. But what about these guys?” She pointed to the two still lying on the ground. “Are we just going to leave them there?”
“Perhaps,” Kat offered, “we should tie THEM up in the barn, see how THEY like it!” She couldn’t help but laugh at her own comment, and the others laughed with her.
“If that is what you want,” Nick smiled at Kat, as he grabbed Billy’s arms and dragged him inside the barn. The four girls, each grabbing one of Steve’s limbs, were able to carry him into the barn behind Nick. There was plenty of rope lying around the barn floor, and in a few minutes, the two men were bound tightly.
“Let’s get going,” Amanda advised, “I really don’t want to be here when they wake up!” And they headed out to Nick’s jeep, happy that the ordeal they had endured was over. As they walked, Kat leaned over and whispered four words into Amanda’s ear, words that made her smile.
“So,” Nick asked, as they were getting into his jeep, “what’s the plan for the ‘Summer Sleuths’ now?” He looked back at Hannah and Kat and winked. “That is what you girls call yourselves, right?”
“I think,” Amanda replied, “we go back to the hostel, get some rest, and find something much less dangerous to do with the rest of our summer!” Although, after what she found in Billy’s pocket, and what Kat told her, that was the exact opposite of the truth…
This is the second chapter of what may prove to be my longest chapter story yet...this chapter introduces the second two characters, Amanda Jones and Ciara Nightingale, and provides another glimpse into what may lie ahead for our sleuths! With a real historical mystery woven in, I hope you enjoy it!
Amanda, Ciara, Hannah Duffy, and Katrin Weber are the OCs and property of
This story is also a submission for his 'Summer Sleuths' contest found here: torqual3d.deviantart.com/journ…
Please feel free to leave any comments, ideas, or critiques!!
DD
Amanda, Ciara, Hannah Duffy, and Katrin Weber are the OCs and property of

Please feel free to leave any comments, ideas, or critiques!!
DD

Wonderful build up. Can't wait to see what happens next to our 4 lovely heroines. On to Chapter 3!

I think you've set a good scene so far with the three parties (the girls, Steve & Billy, and Nick) - especially as the motives for the latter two are unclear. Nick is certainly an intriguing character, and at the moment it's his development within the story that will keep me turning the page (so to speak) 
BTW, the Amber Room is a great choice for a sleuthing story

BTW, the Amber Room is a great choice for a sleuthing story

I read stories like this as a youngster - well kinda like this - a group of friends solving mysteries 


Forgive me, I didn't realize these characters were not yours and thus are working within certain guide lines.
Also, I am so used to your stories ending with the poor heroine dead, immobilized, turned into a doll, sold into slavery, etc that seeing something this light and playful coming from you was a shock to the system.
I still stand by my comment though that I prefer my heroines to act in a way during stressful situations that denotes intelligence and commonsense. It doesn't have to be something that does work but something that had a plausible chance of working.
Also, I am so used to your stories ending with the poor heroine dead, immobilized, turned into a doll, sold into slavery, etc that seeing something this light and playful coming from you was a shock to the system.
I still stand by my comment though that I prefer my heroines to act in a way during stressful situations that denotes intelligence and commonsense. It doesn't have to be something that does work but something that had a plausible chance of working.

No worries!
The idea with this story is 'glamorous misadventures' and at least, starting off, I didn't want to put them in TOO much peril...but with many more chapters to go, expect the bar to be raised!
And I agree with your comment. I actually reworked a bit of Chapter 2 because I felt that there was a bit too much 'helpless damsel' going on. And again, as these chapters progress, the 'heroines' will display more and more of the qualities you are hoping to see!
I really, REALLY look forward to your comments! They are always so thorough and well-written!

Denise
The idea with this story is 'glamorous misadventures' and at least, starting off, I didn't want to put them in TOO much peril...but with many more chapters to go, expect the bar to be raised!
And I agree with your comment. I actually reworked a bit of Chapter 2 because I felt that there was a bit too much 'helpless damsel' going on. And again, as these chapters progress, the 'heroines' will display more and more of the qualities you are hoping to see!
I really, REALLY look forward to your comments! They are always so thorough and well-written!

Denise

Wonderful next chapter to this story. I have to admit, this has the feel of those old Republic serials...

Nick seems too good to be true, but that's just the old cynic in me talking. Only one question: How do you gasp silently? More of an open-mouthed stare absent the sound, isn't it?

Nick seems to be a real knight in shining armor, wonder how long that lasts. Wonder how the thugs will break out of their predicament, and if Amanda Jones and company can find what those amber keys unlock.
I agree with some of the commenters -- I wonder about Nick. He's there when things get dicey to save the day...yet not long afterward two of the girls are in trouble again, after passing out in his care. We saw Nick clobber Billy earlier; we didn't _see_ him take out Billy & Steve here in Chapter 2, but he could have taken them out honestly. I'd wager that Nick isn't working with Billy and Steve, but may have his own agenda in all of this.
Don't give anything away, of course. You've got me eagerly speculating, and that's a great reaction from a reader!
It's a minor thing, but Billy and Steve don't seem like very German names to me. That may be intentional (I'm not sure if you said they were actually German), but it yanks me out of the action a bit to ponder the names when they crop up.
It's great to introduce Ciara into all this, and to forge a connection between her and Amanda. Had Torqual done that previously? Even if he hadn't, great idea, and I hope it becomes canon. I can't help but wish their initial meeting/friendship had come about in a more exciting manner than sharing a class -- that would make for another interesting story to write -- but then again, a foundational adventure for their friendship is hardly ruled out by what you've written here. And I don't know the Ciara character nearly as well, so I'll retract my words if they don't make sense with her character!
I like the detail of characters ribbing each other a bit about their outfits. Much as we, the readers/viewers enjoy them, they really aren't the most practical clothes in a lot of situations! It adds some humanity for the characters to notice this, and it's more than lampshading to bring it up; I think it even tweaks the noses of the readership a little bit, in a good way
Logic interlude: admittedly I'm not sure why Amanda can't call in the authorities here. The kidnappers were honest about their crime and their address, and didn't give her much of a compelling reason to obey the admonition "No police." It's odd to have Ciara promise to call the police "if things get bad" -- with two friends kidnapped, things are already bad! Obviously we need some suspension of disbelief to enjoy these stories -- it would be no fun for Amanda & Co. to call in the cavalry each time at the first sign of danger. But that suspension is easier when we see reasons that seem compelling to Amanda for her to rely merely on her own efforts, even if we, as third-parties on the outside, don't agree with her reasoning.
I really like Amanda's introspection about involving others in her perilous adventures. That's another very human moment; it adds gravitas, and shows Amanda's care for her friends.
As a reader I find myself wondering how this key first entered the picture, and what events preceded Chapter 1. I presume this will be covered later when Amanda explains things to Hannah/Kat (and possibly Ciara). It doesn't need to be much, of course -- one thing which is both a challenge and an opportunity in short-story writing is to imply a larger world and more events than your words directly describe. If that's the direction you're tending, more power to you.
Scores: Vision, same comments as on Chapter 1. Originality -- I like the mystery of Nick (however much I might be reading into it), but other than that the action seems relatively standard. Suspension of disbelief was a bit overloaded when Amanda accepted the parameters given ("no police") without questioning them, AND walked in with no real plan. I was a bit perplexed about how Ciara's attacker got her from behind Amanda, into the building, and tied up in the time which passed without Amanda noticing.
Technique, as always, was good. Impact was good as well, though I might have scored a bit higher if Hannah/Kat (and somewhat Ciara) had evinced a bit more impact on themselves from their experience just ended. Much was added to the impact score for Amanda's deceptive comment to Nick -- evidently she doesn't full trust him either, and it hints at events to come.
One should always leave them wanting more -- and you've done it!
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